Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Survival Tip # 4 Know Who Your Friends Are

One of the drawbacks of living in a country that is classified as "third world" is that in amongst the mostly pleasant and colorful characters you are likely to meet, there is the occasional villain. In my experience almost all villains I have encountered have been other expats from the English speaking world. Because of Costa Rica's notoriously famous reluctance to participate in any form of extradition to countries larger than their own (which is pretty much everybody), this is often seen as a place where those on the run can stop running. Rumor has it that famous outlaw DB Cooper has a villa just outside of San Jose where he has been living quite comfortably with his Colombian wife for several decades.

Now everywhere has its urban legends, and the ex-pat/immigrant community in any country will have its more individual and peculiar ones. but I can attest personally that I know of at least four former cocaine smugglers, one bank robber, and an untold known number of former American indoor marijuana farmers. But as any thinking person knows, there is a large difference between an outlaw and a villain. Being outlaw doesn't necessarily make you a villain, just as being a villain doesn't necessarily make you an outlaw (I'm looking at YOU Dick Cheney).

My own experience with a true villain came in the form of a smooth talking Englishman named Nigel. His parents were from the African country of Sierra Leone, and had immigrated to Britain before he was born. And as a result this man was a study in contradictions, an almost 7 foot black man who spoke like Richard Attenburough. Picture the huge guy from the Green Mile with the voice of the old man from Jurassic Park and you get the general idea.

When I first met him he was here with a group of salesmen from England who were doing something with pension plans over the phone. I'm not exactly sure what they were doing, but the dude was addicted to the movie Boiler Room with Ben Affleck to the point of reciting it, so I can only assume it was something nefarious. he and all of his friends were my upstairs neighbors in the condo I lived in at the time. During one of their more raucous parties, I went upstairs and introduced myself with the intention of seeing if the spare bottle of guaro I had could kick their celebration up a notch. We all hung out, I got to take crap for coming from a country that elected George Bush twice, and I got to thank them for fighting in the woods while wearing red. Typical jovial English and American exchange that you would expect from good-natured people….


 WARNING: Any attempt to logically determine which concept is dumber through rational thought may result in catastrophic brain injury. Don't do it...think of your family.




To be continued tomorrow!

24 comments:

Astronomy Pirate said...

Sounds like an interesting character, can't wait to see how he turns out to be a villain.

Innovations said...

Sounds like a great guy :p

synoptixs said...

can't wait for the rest!

Rachel Neilson said...

oh boy, you have a knack for this yaheard?? haha

d0t said...

Great stuff, looking forward for the continuation

Alopix said...

Sounds cool. Can't wait for next post :)

Bob lehcror said...

Cool post, I'll be looking for your next installment

Patwa said...

mmm sounds interesting^^

The Innocuous Bison said...

this is truly a fascinating read! what will come next?

PiratesLoveVikings said...

This guy really knows what he wants.

Tony Storm said...

he sounds way crazy to me, just saying haha

Patti D. said...

Hey, don't leave us hanging like that!!!
btw, I love this:
"this is often seen as a place where those on the run can stop running"
I'm gonna quote you.

M. said...

waiting for more

-DO- said...

A black richard attenborough lol how can this person be a villain, well we will see.

Daan said...

interesting, looking forward to the rest

cooperlife said...

"Picture the huge guy from the Green Mile with the voice of the old man from Jurassic Park"

you just blew my mind.

Anonymous. said...

Exciting!

Meghan Moran said...

really interesting stuff. can't wait to read the rest!

Jorge said...

Sounds pretty interesting. Can't wait for the next post!

Glovey said...

Lol, the guy sounds like a genius! Thumbs up!

Banacek said...

There isn't even a military there is there?

Con Queso said...

lol...can't we just get along? -_-

Shutterbug said...

That's a pretty big guy! :)

pennywise said...

I read the whole thing thinking there was a conclusion... and was left wanting more. Good job! It's legit that you live in costa rica and your blog is very enjoyable! Keep the posts coming!