Bastard Costa Rican Wildlife: The Fer de Lance

Well, it's another Thursday and time for yet another installment of "Bastard Costa Rican Wildlife". This week we are focusing on an animal so asinine, so dickish, and so irredeemably evil that it kills more people here than almost anything else. I am talking about Bothrops asper, more commonly known as the Fer de Lance, referred to by Ticos as Terciopelo, and by me as Fuckface McPoisontooth. This snake kills people. And the kicker is, it's not usually the the scenario you would expect that leads to this asshole biting you.

We have all watched the Discovery Channel and Animal Planet enough to know that picking up any wild snake is a bad call. Check. Most of us know that if we make enough noise when we walk in underbrush, snakes will usually scatter and you don't get bit. Check. Alot of us realize that snakes are usually way more afraid of us then we are of them. Check. Ok, so take all that knowledge, roll it into a little ball, pop it like a pill and try and convince yourself that it's a sedative. Because that's how much that aforementioned knowledge will help you in dealing with a Fer de Lance.

Wasn't even hungry....

Though highly venomous and packing oversized venom glands to boot, it's not the most venomous snake here. That title goes to a toss up between the Bushmaster and the Pacific Sea Snake. What makes this snake so dangerous is the fact that it is legitimately an asshole. It is so aggressive that it has been known to chase people on BICYCLES for miles. The Cottonmouth viper, or Water Moccasin in the Southeastern US is famous for it's aggression as well, but nowhere near the ferocity of a pissed off Fer de Lance. And alot of evidence suggests that this is pretty much the prick's natural state. If the weather is particularly hot (and it's Latin America so....), the aggressive behavior is even more apparent. One attack that personally know of happened to the wife of a Swiss friend while she was hiking on the Osa Peninsula.

She was in a large group of other women walking through Corcovado National Park on a very well marked trail. They didn't stop, they never got off the trail, and their guide was an experienced Tico park ranger. Then out of nowhere a 4 ft. Fer de Lance came launching out of the underbrush about 10-15 ft. to one side of them, pretty much intent on murder. Everyone ran like hell, but my friend's wife was the slowest... She was bitten repeatedly on the calf, thigh and hands. The ranger and another lady in the tour group sustained multiple bites as well trying to help her. The ranger eventually dispatched it with his machete, but until that moment it just would not stop biting. Everyone had to be airlifted to San Jose for antivenin because the park did not have enough for all three people with the amount of venom in the equation. My friend almost lost his wife, and they moved back to Switzerland just a few months later.

Here's a video that shows the aggressive behavior of this snake pretty clearly. This tour group spots one swimming, and the sum'bitch turns around and starts going for the boat. Those of you who understand Spanish will get a kick out of the radio chatter that ensues...

This next video is NOT for the squeamish, and if you are already afraid of snakes you don't need to even watch it. This is video features the most dangerous snakes on the planet based on how many human deaths are attributed to them every year. The second one in the video is the Fer de Lance, and it shows quite graphically the effect it's venom has on human tissue. Again, not for the squeamish...you have been warned!

On a serious note, snakes (with the exception of this one and a few others) are generally shy and very misunderstood creatures. The also serve a critical part in the ecosystem in that they keep rodents and other disease carrying vermin at bay. They deserve their part in the food chain just as much as we do and are further deserving of our respect. I think all snakes are beautiful and fascinating creatures with alot to teach us about ourselves.

But fuck this one...kill it with fire!

See you next Thursday with more Bastard Costa Rican Wildlife!