Monday, May 23, 2011

I Have Returned!!

So did you miss me?

This is easily been one of the most eventful three weeks of my entire life with many new chapters beginning and ending, and quite a few that will always be ongoing. I hope that the story of your lives can be as delightfully intricate and twisty/turny as mine has been. And if not, know that I will always structure this blog in a way to show you how it can be. Each of our lives is a story, a book that we first cracked open when we became aware of ourselves as infants and toddlers. You have the main characters, the guest appearances, and all the supporting characters around you, and how the story ends is completely up to you and fate.

So my mother flew in at the end of last month, and she stayed until just about a week ago. After five years of being by myself and not seeing any family, I put all of my attention into her visit and the miraculous thing that happened while she was here. And even though it's only been about three weeks, the world is a little bit of a different place after that short time span. Let's review, shall we?

 1.) Identical twin princesses, and future destroyers of men's hearts were born to yours truly!

 Their names are Kera Rain and Rhiannon Moon Gipson, and even in their 2 week post birth semi-larval stage, they are two of the most beautiful creatures to ever inhabit this planet. I'm sure this sounds like the typical bias that any father has for his little girls, but a simple click on the picture to the right will settle the argument. Here Kera is giving a big smile and a high five to her sister over their ability to completely wrap their daddy around their tiny little fingers in just a few days. I am so unbelievably screwed when they start wanting ponies... This is one of the main reasons my Mom came down here in the first place, and it was great that she should be here in that tiny little window that they could've been born.

The author's fiancée, Patricia Meza (soon to be) Gipson.  
 Their mother, my fiancée and partner in crime, has been considered on many occasions to be one of the most beautiful women in Latin America throughout her short modeling career. And she melted my heart like a blowtorch to butter from the first day I laid eyes on her to this very moment. And even though Rhiannon required a C-section to come out, Patricia handled the birth of these twin girls with the same strength and elegance that I have grown to love in her. And just two short weeks later, she still gets up at 5AM everyday to walk to the bakery and tend to the now four kids in the house along with me. She's absolutely amazing and has that rare trait of being just as beautiful on the inside as she s on the outside!

It was hard saying goodbye to my Mom when she lest, but now she knows that Costa Rica isn't a "third world hellhole" that her lesser educated friends insisted that it was. I miss her terribly, but now have a feeling of wholeness and that my lifestyle is somewhat more validated. Now she can go back to the rest of the family and say that I wasn't running from anything in as much as I was running towards something else. But this is just my personal life, what about the rest of the world? Well that brings us to...

 2.) President Obama shows his birth certificate and then shoots Osama bin Laden in the face and throws him in the ocean 
(supposedly, maybe)

When I was about 11 in the early 1980's, the most popular show on TV was WWF Professional Wrestling. I honestly didn't get into it as much as my other siblings, but once in a while when bored I'd take a gander and chuckle at the mock fights both in and out of the ring. There would be a wrestler from the then USSR along with his Iranian tag team partner spouting anti-American rhetoric (amazingly sometimes in a southern accent) with the inferred threat of a foreign takeover of wrestling. If you had an IQ above room temperature, this was comedy gold. If you were one of a few who could to suspend their disbelief to enjoy the show, you got the comedy AND the drama (I could never do that). But a few took it as gospel, some in my own household. Either way, it was fake,it wasn't modern gladiatorial combat, it was just a show. Even though it would end up saving all of humanity (more on that later).

 This is how I have come to view the American political process from about 1992 to now. The actors are the partisan talking heads and the legislative politicians. When one is the "bad guy" the other is clearly the "good guy". Republicans are the right wing Fascists, and Democrats are the evil Communists. The American public is so convinced that there is actually a difference between the two, the nation is pretty much polarized. Nothing is getting done. At this point in time, I blame the ideologues on the right more than the ones on the left, because it almost always seems like the dirtiest tricks come from their camp. One of which was the notion that Barack Obama was not actually even a US citizen. Despite the release of several forms of his birth certificate and easily referenced newspaper clippings, this dead horse was beaten into the ground so much, it looked like a fossil from the Pleistocene Era.

So after three years of whining that culminated in Donald Trump going on national TV and claiming to have proof to the contrary, his actual long form birth certificate from the State of Hawaii was released to the public. It was the end of the controversy for those with reality based doubts, and those not wanting to come to our reality are saying that it's a weird forgery. To those non-Americans who are reading this, I just want to say that we don't spend much money on education over there and leave it at that...

And then we find out that our President (who I like sometimes) sent in a SEAL team to Pakistan for the purpose of shooting Osama bin Laden in the face. Not capture him, even though he probably had one or two pieces of knowledge that could have made this War on Terror™ end a little quicker. The purpose of the daring raid into some guy's house in a country we aren't at war with, was to shoot him in the face. And supposedly we did. Then instead of bringing his carcass to the US where he could be mounted and stuffed with bacon in his mouth and a tattoo of Mohamed on his ass, they throw him in the ocean? I call shenanigans, but like with wrestling in the 80's, I am trying to suspend my disbelief as much as possible. If it's a lie, but it prevents me from having to say "President Palin" with a straight face in a few years, I guess I can go along with it...

 3.) The season premier of Doctor Who officially knocks Star Trek out of it's top spot of my all time favorite Science Fiction series...
 Star Trek and Doctor Who have always been my two favorite sci-fi shows, but with more years of solid story telling, fewer episodes degenerating into soap opera dialogue, and more themes that are culturally relevant, Doctor Who has come out victorious. I was first hooked when I was a kid and stayed up late to watch the Tom Baker incarnation come on PBS at around 11PM. I had to keep the volume down because the opening theme song scared the shit out of my little brother for some reason, but it never interfered with my enjoyment of it. I've watched every episode of the new "reboot" of the series that started in 2005 with Christopher Eccleston's interpretation multiple times.

Then David Tennant smacked his interpretation right out of the park for three seasons. In fact he did so well and I was so sorry to see him leave, I was almost sure that I wouldn't be able to watch it again with a different Doctor and like it as much. But lo and behold, Matt Smith is absolutely incredible as well. The two part season premiere that consisted of "The Impossible Astronaut" and "Day of the Moon" were some of the best science fiction and silliness to be mixed up on TV!

Don't get me wrong, I'm still a die hard Trekker, and I can't thank JJ Abrams enough for saving the franchise from Rick Berman and Brannon Braga, but the consistent quality (how many Star Trek episodes were written by Douglas Adams? Good day sir..) and the ability to make me actually think, has finally put Doctor Who in the lead. But I guess this isn't really world changing unless you came to the same conclusion...

4.)  6.0 magnitude earthquake hits Costa Rica
  On Friday the 13th, after a long shift on my 9-5, I was woken up from a particularly delicious nap to my entire house shaking. I was the only one in the house at the time, and the electricity went out, but that was the extent of the damage. Even at the epicenter, a 6.0 here is pretty much just a free amusement park ride. There aren't any buildings big enough to topple and kill people, and I don't think there's ever been a tsunami here...

 5.) Apocalypse thwarted by the spirit of an 80's era professional wrestler...
  May 21st, last Saturday, was the day predicted in the Bible code to be the beginning of the End Times™. The "Rapture" was to be when all of the best behaved right wing Christian fundamentalists were to be zapped into Jesus' loving arms and scooped away to heaven while all of the rest of us were to suffer the end of the world and our eventual booting into the Lake of Fire™. On May 20th, pro wrestler and unwitting savior of earth, Randy "The Macho Man" Savage suffered a heart attack while driving and died in the subsequent crash.

As it turns out, "The Macho Man" was actually an enlightened spiritual being who had actually achieved a state of perfect enlightenment around 1984 through steroid and cocaine abuse coupled with repeated blows to the head. Though he did not have the mental or linguistic faculties to properly explain what had happened to him, it was very well documented for those who only need look...


 And the "beat goes on" indeed, Randy....

Even though he could only describe it as "Macho Madness", his enlightenment stayed with him all of his days and continued for those critical moments right after his physical death. Instead of simply crossing over into the next incarnation or afterlife, he became an avatar due to his inadvertent spiritual perfection. He looked down at his newly rejuvenated spiritual body and how it reflected his old one in it's physical prime, and spent the next few hours high five-ing the archangels, Buddha, Bruce Lee, Scatman Crothers and Sinatra. He was looking forward to appearing in visions and being called upon as a spirit guide by the young and the wise.

But then he learned what Jesus was planning the next day and was horrified. He was going to kill 99.9999% of the Earth's population and only keep the most uptight and boring of it's members. And why? Wasn't Jehovah supposed to be beyond the whole divine punishment thing? Didn't he give his word at the end of the Great Flood to never smite humanity ever again? He beseech-ed Jehovah in his garage while the Almighty was working on his 1977 Harley Davidson Shovelhead in preparation for a big celestial charity poker run with Krishna, Zeus, and Odin. When God heard of Jesus' plans, he was upset, but didn't sound surprised. Jesus had apparently been watching alot of Fox News in the last few months and was probably under the impression that humanity really needed to be wiped out for the greater good.

But Jehovah also indicated that he couldn't get involved because of his bad back and a restraining order put out on him by Gaia, the Earth Mother. So God offered Randy a beer and told him that nothing could be done. Humanity was doomed and Heaven was about to be filled to capacity with the likes of Kirk Cameron and Pat Robertson. All the bars will have to be shut down, and all of the female angels will have to start wearing clothes. "I guess all the night jams with Hendrix, Lennon, and Mozart will have to be called off too", the Lord depressingly mused...

But "The Macho Man" wasn't hearing it. And as Jesus walked down the steps of paradise to the world below to begin with the great earthquake, he was knocked out by a divine "Flying Elbow Smash" to the top of the head. Savage had somehow climbed to the highest precipice in Heaven and dropped down on him from it's stunning height. When he came to, Randy "The Macho Man" Savage was standing over him with an index finger in his face.

"You ain't exterminatin' no whole human race, ya crazy hippie!! Not while "The Macho Man" is around to hand out free smackdowns....you see THIS?!?" Savage flexed his bicep right infront of the Messiah's face, inches from his nose. "THIS is what you get when you play with fire and talk about smiting all those little wrestling fans down there, now I better not catch you coming down here to hurt these people again!!"

Still groggy, The Lamb of God reluctantly agreed to never interfere with human events on such a scale again. He was to "stick to making little kids less scared at night and giving hope to the weak" as Savage put it with the occasional "rescuing a kitty", though he didn't go into any more detail than that. He helped Jesus back up to his feet, shook his hand and gave him a "bro hug". And together they walked up the gates to Paradise where Jimi Hendrix was already tuning his guitar and Billie Holiday was going over the lyrics of John Lennon's newest ballad he had written for her.

So in just three weeks, so much has happened...

I'll try not to be so absent again! 

Love You All!! 





19 comments:

The Angry Lurker said...

Welcome back, good round up, good looking kids, good looking soon to be wife, congratulations.

Zombie said...

Good to have you back! So much stuff going on since you've been gone! lol.

Lost.in.Idaho said...

That bottom Macho Man picture is 8 different kinds of awesome. I put it on my post-rapture blogposts as well, and it always makes me giggle like a 6yo boy saying "fart..."

Congrats on the exciting past few weeks. You survived an earthquake, you survived the rapture, and now you need to survive parenthood for the rest of your life.

Best o luck. I'm 5ish years into my journey, and I can tell you it's a helluva ride.

Melanie said...

Soooooo happy you are back! Congratulations again on all of your changes that have happened all at once, and big thanks going out to the Macho Man!

Megan said...

freakin A...i was about to wonder if u had disappeared permanently or only temp. thank gosh it was only temp! and CONGRATS! the break was totally warranted! what beautiful twins! what an amazing time for you and your fiancee (who is gorgeous herself!).

i hope u have a great week and welcome back!

My heart shaped blog. said...

Wow! I bet you'll be glad to have 5minutes to sit down!
Your posts are so funny and it's really interesting to hear your take on events, particularly about the American government, as I only observe it from England!
Sadly, the extreme right wingers seem to be dispersed all over the globe, but so long as they continue to create their own political death by embarrassing themselves, I don't think we have anything to worry about! :)
I look forward to reading your future posts.

Astronomy Pirate said...

Welcome back! Sounds like an eventful couple of weeks. That Macho Man story had me rolling.

Also, it's not that the US doesn't spend a lot of money on education, they spend an amazing amount on it. It's just that they expect throwing money at the education department will fix the problems. Standardized testing has done more damage then good. And often times teachers are doing it because it is a job, not because they want to teach.

Gloria said...

Congrats dear, I miss you of course Im happy for you and family they are adorables, I have twins (now have 16) ooh you have to help her, they are soooo cute, huggs, gloria

Leila said...

Congratulations on your GORGEOUS baby girls! ... but my future daughters will be more beautiful! (haha do you see the defensive future tiger mother in me wanting to break out??) And yes your fiance is absolutely stunning. You have a precious gem in that precious gem of a country. I can't help but say I am jealous.

I don't even bother with the validity of Obama's heritage. Like you said, there isn't a difference between the two parties, and if it weren't Obama sitting as president, it would be someone else with the same tool for the Federal Reserve to use to hammer away at our freedom.

I've said in someone else's blog that the assassination of Osama Bin Laden was illegal. Other than the practical reasons (which you stated), it also contradicts the morals we supposedly uphold as a free and democratic nation. The Nazis were responsible for the ethnic genocides of the Jews and a debilitating world war. And yet we gave those who surrendered a free trial and properly executed them. Even more interesting, we captured the ones who fled and STILL gave them a trial. They were responsible for more deaths than Osama could muster, but when it comes to statistics it doesn't matter, does it? And the Japanese military elite were properly tried as well despite the rape of Nanqing and war atrocities committed throughout Southeast Asia. Osama is unprecedented in that he was able to land an attack on American soil, but his motives and methods are not different from the tyrants and mass murders we reprimanded with justice. The world will forever see his death as a revenge-killing rather than justice. "Not a war against Islam" my ass. You kill a murderer in cold blood then you are no longer any different.

Shutterbug said...

Just wanted to say, I did in fact miss you! Hope you miss me too! ;)

Kicking Rocks said...

I was wondering when you were coming back...OHHH YEAHHH!!

Anonymous said...

Hey - I am really happy to discover this. Good job!

Marlene said...

Welcome back! Congrats on the birth of your beautiful daughters! What a lucky dude you are. :)

Totally got a chuckle out of what you said about Americans believing there is a difference between the right and left...they're all a bunch of crooks! LOL!

Such an entertaining read!

Malkavian said...

Welcome back man Congratulations my friend.

Jay said...

welcome back, congrats,congrats and welcome back! :D :D

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Congratulations Dude! Your twin lassies are just too adorable and just as gorgeous as your fiance!

Thanx for coming to visit me and glad to have you back, mate.

joy wisner said...

pretty crazy story, Aaron.....Shows great intelligence but maybe a little blasphemy??? Anyway me and Grandpa wish you would read Thessalonians or Galations so you can see what the New Covenant that God made with man is all about.....its what you said at the bottom of your letter....love God and love one another thats Christianity...the old law is gone. Christ fulfilled it and finished it on the cross and when he ascended into heaven and sent the holy spirit down to reside in all of us who believe......we love you and pray you are using your gift well...you can't lose it..... you are the best....Grandpa and Joy.

Romans 8:35 and whole chaper too. It tells the truth. The only truth that there is......

Banacek said...

Congratulations on the twin girls! And welcome back, too. I thought you were dead.

Autumnforest said...

Man! Didn't see this coming. Congrats big time! Yahoo!